Risa Denenberg

On Losing a Friend

In Memory of Jayne Marek (October 16, 1954 – January 9, 2025)

Friendship can be so tenuous, so fragile. So friable that a good friend can die unexpectedly and you know nothing about it until you read the obit. 

I met Jayne Marek the summer of 2018 at The Port Townsend Writers Conference. We both lived on the Olympic Peninsula; I live in Sequim and she lived in Port Townsend. Jayne was much more welcoming and affable than I am and I’m sure we wouldn’t have become good friends if she hadn’t approached me and struck up a friendship. She was creative and talented, but modest about her own work, and she was always supportive of my own writing. 

TEXT FROM JAYNE 7/16/18

Risa, I loved your poetry reading last spring at Imprint/Writers’
Workshoppe. I hope to run into you at Fort Worden this week.
I like to meet local poets. Maybe a beer at Taps sometime? –Best Wishes

We were both regular attendees at the Port Townsend Writers Conferences that occurred each summer. Each of the daily programs featured a free evening reading for the community. We met that Friday night at Taps, had beers and snacks, and then went to the free reading together. She bought a copy of my book. 

TEXT FROM JAYNE 7/28/18

Risa, enjoying your book, which calls for time and thought.
I have one poet friend who would like to join us in getting
together and testing the waters as a writing group. […] Cheers—

At the 2019 Conference, we took a workshop together with Carl Phillips, a poet we both admired. Our friendship warmed with the opportunity to enjoy lunches together on the grounds of Fort Worden State Park during the glorious Port Townsend summer weather. I learned more about her other interests: photography and print making. She shared her love of walking the beach at low tide to find the treasures of tide pools. She showed me some of her remarkable photos.

Jayne took the initiative to propose a writing group, which evolved into five women poets. We met once a month for over a year at the upstairs room at Imprint Bookstore in Port Townsend. We shared the acceptances and rejections, the joys and sorrows of life, and wrote together. Jayne’s were the best prompts.  They were always fanciful and got my poetry juices flowing. I remember prompts as varied as having us write about “an egg,” “something you once gave to a neighbor,” “a coat room in grade school,” “music that annoys you,” or “an injured thumb.” She was generous and thoughtful in her critiques. The poems she wrote with us often appeared later in print and online and were filled with her tender love and reverence for the earth and all its living beings.

We were “Upper Room” poets until COVID, when we switched to Zoom meetings and became “First Sunday Poets.” In December 2022, after meeting online for two years, we met in person for a festive winter cookie party at my house, which became an annual tradition. We continued to meet on Zoom once a month to write together and stay connected.

In the fall of 2024, Jayne needed to be emergency-evacuated to Seattle while on vacation in Alaska because she had become dangerously short of breath. There were tests and medications at the hospital in Seattle, and then she was back home for a while. I didn’t want to pry, although I understood she had a heart problem. This was so difficult to grasp. Jayne was so healthy! She hiked and traveled abroad. She was adventurous, fun-loving, and had no risks for heart disease that I was aware of. 

The last time I saw Jayne was on 10/25/24. We met in Port Townsend at Velocity for coffee. She gave me a copy of her just-released book, Dusk-Voiced. I promised to write a review. We were both looking forward to scheduling our annual cookie party in December. We had planned to go to lunch, but she was tired and we parted after coffee. 

EMAIL FROM JAYNE TO GROUP, 11/21/24

I must have missed your note! Thanks for follow-up. The Fridays and Saturdays
are available for me, just need to sjedaddle [sic] on Dec. 7 in time to attend a reading.
I am on lower-sodium restrictions, so I'll bring something for that, with apologies
that I probably can't consume most bakery. But holiday light to us all! Jayne

This note was the first time I began to see an abbreviation or a typo in Jayne’s meticulous writing. I’d always appreciated the care and precision in her use of language in any form—poems, prose, emails, texts. The professor in her was always present (sans any pretentiousness) in her writing, her art, her conversations.

EMAIL FROM JAYNE TO GROUP, 12/12/24 (two days before the cookie party)

Dear Risa, Ronda, Kelli, Lauren,
I am sorry, but I cannot attend. My heart failure is worsening and I have considerable trouble breathing.
I really wanted the collegiality! Sending my best wishes to you all. Jayne

EMAIL FROM JAYNE, 12/15/24 (after I emailed her party—and cat—pictures)

Thank you! I am sure it was an excellent time. Cat photos always welcome. ;) Jayne

TEXT FROM JAYNE, 12/16/24

Risa I saw the Gentle House poetry party announcement
and would have loved to join in! However, I still have breathing
difficulties and am just now getting used to a different dose of
meds. I don’t think I have the trip in me—despite how lovely it
will be! Enjoy. I’ll see you another time!

TEXT TO JAYNE, 12/16/24

We missed you on Saturday! I’m hoping things
will stabilize for you. Maybe you’d be up for me
to visit in a week or so?

TEXT FROM JAYNE, 12/16/24

yes! Cheerful and welcome. Give me this week
to see how the meds adjustment plays out.
[praying hands emoji]

TEXT FROM JAYNE, 12/21/24

I am in St Michaels, Silverdale, after worsening. I think
they plan to keep me 7-10 days, alas. I am not telling
many people now, b/c I don’t have much energy, but a
few friends. I’m cheerful enough under the circumstances.

EMAIL FROM JAYNE, 12/30/24

Dear all, 
Holiday greetings! Unfortunately I am in Virginia Mason hospital for a heart condition. Had
a heart valve procedure in Seattle on Thursday, tons of tests before & after, & endlesss
needles! Not done yet, docs are still looking.  Joe has been with me a lot, thank goodness.
Low on energy, I will not be able to answer texts or emails for a while.

TEXT FROM RISA TO JAYNE, 2/4/25

Haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you ok? 

EMAIL FROM RISA TO FIRST SUNDAY POETS, 2/5/25

I was looking for her everywhere I could think of, and came across
this. Unbearably sad. https://www.ptleader.com/stories/jayne-elisa-marek,194053?/

After learning about her death, I read Jayne’s recent poetry collection. Dusk-Voiced is full of haunting lines and a poet’s close awareness of how temporary all our lives are. Lines such as: “I find relief // in a belief that death is a simple thing, / not frightening in itself …” underlined the suddenness of her death and heightened my awareness of the preciousness of friendships.

The First Sunday Poets met for dinner in March and celebrated Jayne’s life. We have changed our group name to “The Jaynes.” 

Back to Issue XII…